Louis Vuitton's $480 face mask-bandana combo is all flex, no safety

And you thought the fashion house's face shield was bad?

Louis Vuitton

By now, anyone who’s smart is masking up to help prevent the spread of COVID-19. As such, there’s no shortage of mask options to match your fits while trying to protect you, and luxury brands have definitely taken advantage of that. While Burberry was one of the firsts to offer a designer coverup, Louis Vuitton now joins the ranks with a face mask and bandana combo to keep you stylish and (sort of) safe.

This set is slightly more affordable than LV’s last pandemic protection gear, which basically told you it was better than you. In October, the luxury label dropped a high-fashion face shield, with the $961 price tag to match. The monogram-embellished face-covering even included transition lens technology so it could go from clear to dark depending on the level of sunlight. At least this mask set is only humbly rich.

The design — It’s giving me renaissance-chic. As in, Victorian people would have loved to wear this during the Black Plague era (which is super messed up to think about given our current reality). But regardless of which pandemic it’s protecting you from, Louis Vuitton says this mask must be worn over an additional face covering, rendering it… kind of useless? Like other renaissance-era accessories, this mask is flex-only, while the matching bandana also makes sure your neck is covered (from the cold?). Details like extra-long straps, adjusters, and engraved LV initials give you the illusion of safety so others don’t point out the ridiculousness behind your purchase.

Louis Vuitton

These masks look just like your grandma’s couch, but they’re not covered in plastic. Instead, the blue tapestry-inspired duo comes with a matching drawstring pouch for secure storing. And, all pieces of the set are machine washable, unlike most designer goods. The duo can be washed in temperatures up to 104ºF, ensuring any virus can be boiled off.

Louis Vuitton

Louis Vuitton says online that both the cotton mask and bandana are “color-stable” for up to five washes, which is, uh, weird considering this is something you’d want to wash all the time? Seems like this set is more for special occasions and not actually the best for protection, disputing LV’s claim that the duo “combines style with practicality.”

Get the look — LV’s mask-bandana combo isn’t for everyone, and not just because of the price. If you’ve got a face larger than a size medium (23 x 15cm), this mask won’t fit — best of luck trying to measure your face.

If the complete lack of practicality is still appealing to you, the face cover-ups retail for $480 and are only available online for now. Otherwise, you’re better off ordering a bootleg luxury mask or buying a designer mask that actually works. Because if you're the sort who is even considering one of these, there's no way you'd dare be caught wearing a plain N-95.