At least I'm not that guy

Urns of loved ones’ ashes, a tortoise: The bizarre items left in Ubers

According to Uber’s sixth annual Lost & Found Index, Austin, Texas is the country's most forgetful city

Eastern Hermann's tortoise - Testudo hermanni boettgeri. Hermann's tortoises are small to medium-siz...

Uber just released its sixth annual Lost & Found Index, an uncharacteristically goofy press release from the sleek, “move fast and break things” company. Last year, notable lost items ranged from delicious (22 bundt cakes and a pan of macaroni & cheese) to dubiously legal (part of an ankle monitor), and 2022’s list is no different.

The top 10 most-forgotten items are about what you’d expect: phone/camera, wallet, keys, backpack/purse, headphones/speaker, glasses, clothing, vape, jewelry, and ID. But the fifty “most unique lost items” are more colorful: 500 grams of caviar, a grass cutter and tree trimmer, “6 pool drains and an Employee of the Month plaque,” to name a few.

There was also the report of a missing “metal leg,” a “painting of Kung Fu Panda and pink air pump shaped as a pig,” and “part of my soft serve ice cream machine.”

Uber says that more than 40 riders reported leaving behind their CPAP machines. People are taking out dental devices in Ubers too, apparently. The rideshare giant says that 30 riders reported lost retainers; more than 20 riders forgot their gold or diamond-encrusted grills; 5 left dentures.

There are some standout trends, according to the Lost & Found Index:

5pm is the most forgetful time of day; People are most likely to forget their glasses, chargers and cardholders on Mondays; Some of the most forgetful days of the last year were March 20 (St. Patrick’s Day Weekend) and July 4; People are most likely to forget kid’s items like car seats, pacifiers, milk, and strollers on Tuesdays; People are most likely to forget passports and books on Wednesdays; People are most likely to forget groceries and laptops on Thursdays; People are most likely to forget cash and fanny packs on Fridays; People are most likely to forget clothing, ID, and keys on Saturdays; People are most likely to forget phones, wallets, jewelry and makeup on Sundays.

It could be worse — Losing things in Ubers is patently awful (how do you call your Uber driver about your lost phone if you don’t have your phone to make the call???????) but the Lost & Found Index is always a pleasant read. No matter how badly your day is going, at least you didn’t leave a catheter in an Uber, you know? The world may be crumbling, but you’re not the one who left your grandma’s teeth, a brown tortoise, or your dentures in a stranger’s car.