Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert took to the floor of the House of Representatives Wednesday morning to warn the American public about a very dire threat facing the continuation of the human race: gay space colonies.

Seriously. Gohmert’s speech was a rambling, crazy-beautiful mess of far-right logic, involving Biblical references and what appears to be a nod to either The Martian or Interstellar (they both had Matt Damon in them, so who knows). But Gohmert’s main fear during the “general speeches” portion of House proceedings on the lovely Wednesday afternoon of May 26, 2016 was that in the event of an apocalyptic event, NASA might put some gay people on its Noah’s Ark-like colony ship to save the human race.

You can watch a video of his speech (and should, because it’s pretty funny), but here’s the relevant (or, well, more relevant that the other bits) part:

“I really wonder how many people in this body who had the ultimate power to decide whether the human race would go forward or not… Whether it was an asteroid coming, something that would end humanity on earth, as dinosaurs were ended at one time… Ok we’ve got a spaceship that can go, as Matt Damon did in the movie, plant a colony somewhere, we can have humans survive this terrible disaster about to befall. If you could decide what 40 people you put on the spacecraft that would save humanity, how many of those would be same sex couples? You’re wanting to save humankind for posterity, basically a modern day Noah, you have that ability to be a modern day Noah, you can preserve life, how many same sex couples would you take from the animal kingdom and from humans to put on a spacecraft to perpetuate humanity and the wildlife kingdom?”

Watch the whole thing here (or don’t, if you don’t like being very confused):

So, to interpret that from the dialect of Texas Republicans, it seems like Gohmert’s main point is that same-sex couples have no reproductive benefit to continuing the human race, just as same-sex animal couples wouldn’t help a “Noah’s Ark”-like situation.

Just for fun, let’s say Gohmert’s crazy “modern-day Noah situation” comes true, and we do have to cram 40 people on a ship to continue the human race. First off, you need a whole lot more than 40 people to ensure good genetic diversity when starting a new population (10,000+ is best), so we’d already be screwed as far as that goes.

So you're saying that you wouldn't want one of the United States finest astronauts (who also happened to be a lesbian) with you in space?

Second, just because someone is gay doesn’t mean that they’re incapable of reproducing. Homosexual males could still donate sperm, and homosexual females could still bear children, because we are human beings and we have brains and science and artificial insemination. And on that not, because we are thinking, rational beings, people have value beyond just their use as “breeding pairs,” or whatever kind of fucked-up situation Gohmert was imagining on his hellish Ark-ship.

If the best particle physicist or artificial intelligence researcher in the world were gay, it would sure be a better idea to stick them on the ship than calling Rob Gronkowski just because he’s a gigantic heap of virile heterosexual (probably, unfortunately) male flesh.

Marvel is so good at pumping out passable superhero sequels that it’s easy to forget what a truly good sequel should be. Captain America: Winter Soldier managed to clear that bar, but that was four years and 11 movies ago. Leave it to Creed II to remind us what we should be striving for.

Clay Pigeons are back in the world of Fortnite: Battle Royale, and despite some pretty extreme map changes recently, the location of the clay pigeon skeet shooters haven’t changed.

Fortnite Season 6, Week 8 Challenges were unlocked Thursday morning, ushering in the return of everyone’s second-favorite form of target practice. (The Shooting Galleries were a bit more fun, so we put Clay Pigeons second.) So what’s the best way to “Get a score of 3 on different Clay Pigeon Shooters” for the Week 8 Challenge?

If there’s one bad thing about beanies, the ubiquitous winter hats that literally everyone wears when the weather turns, it’s that they’re a nightmare for anyone who also wants to wear one while listening to music of a cool murder podcast or whatever. Now, tech apparel company had invented a solution, and it works shockingly well.

The Details:

  • Get the same taste and texture you love in normal gummies—only infused with high-quality CBD oils
  • Properly prepared edibles tend to produce a more soothing effect than traditional smoking.
  • JustCBD tests all of their products in a lab to ensure purity, ensuring the desired effect and potency.
  • Why You Want It: Cannabis is understandably still associated with smoking, but there’s an entire world out there of tasty edibles for you to discover. If you’re a fan of gummy candies, these will provide the same wonderful flavor and texture—they just also happened to be infused with some of the purest CBD oils in existence.

The barista position is one held by aspiring actors, writers, and leaders in public service. It is a good, honest profession that performs a service for the masses that is mission critical for anyone’s day. The job welcomes people of all backgrounds. But to be a barista at SpaceX, you’ll have to meet one standard that’s not required at Starbucks or even your preferred independent coffeeshop.