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Texas Congressman Warns Against "Gay Space Colonies" to Prevent the Apocalypse

We didn't know this was a thing, but it absolutely should be. 

Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert took to the floor of the House of Representatives Wednesday morning to warn the American public about a very dire threat facing the continuation of the human race: gay space colonies.

Seriously. Gohmert’s speech was a rambling, crazy-beautiful mess of far-right logic, involving Biblical references and what appears to be a nod to either The Martian or Interstellar (they both had Matt Damon in them, so who knows). But Gohmert’s main fear during the “general speeches” portion of House proceedings on the lovely Wednesday afternoon of May 26, 2016 was that in the event of an apocalyptic event, NASA might put some gay people on its Noah’s Ark-like colony ship to save the human race.

You can watch a video of his speech (and should, because it’s pretty funny), but here’s the relevant (or, well, more relevant that the other bits) part:

“I really wonder how many people in this body who had the ultimate power to decide whether the human race would go forward or not… Whether it was an asteroid coming, something that would end humanity on earth, as dinosaurs were ended at one time… Ok we’ve got a spaceship that can go, as Matt Damon did in the movie, plant a colony somewhere, we can have humans survive this terrible disaster about to befall. If you could decide what 40 people you put on the spacecraft that would save humanity, how many of those would be same sex couples? You’re wanting to save humankind for posterity, basically a modern day Noah, you have that ability to be a modern day Noah, you can preserve life, how many same sex couples would you take from the animal kingdom and from humans to put on a spacecraft to perpetuate humanity and the wildlife kingdom?”

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Watch the whole thing here (or don’t, if you don’t like being very confused):

So, to interpret that from the dialect of Texas Republicans, it seems like Gohmert’s main point is that same-sex couples have no reproductive benefit to continuing the human race, just as same-sex animal couples wouldn’t help a “Noah’s Ark”-like situation.

Just for fun, let’s say Gohmert’s crazy “modern-day Noah situation” comes true, and we do have to cram 40 people on a ship to continue the human race. First off, you need a whole lot more than 40 people to ensure good genetic diversity when starting a new population (10,000+ is best), so we’d already be screwed as far as that goes.

So you're saying that you wouldn't want one of the United States finest astronauts (who also happened to be a lesbian) with you in space?

Second, just because someone is gay doesn’t mean that they’re incapable of reproducing. Homosexual males could still donate sperm, and homosexual females could still bear children, because we are human beings and we have brains and science and artificial insemination. And on that not, because we are thinking, rational beings, people have value beyond just their use as “breeding pairs,” or whatever kind of fucked-up situation Gohmert was imagining on his hellish Ark-ship.

If the best particle physicist or artificial intelligence researcher in the world were gay, it would sure be a better idea to stick them on the ship than calling Rob Gronkowski just because he’s a gigantic heap of virile heterosexual (probably, unfortunately) male flesh.

Steve Irwin: He Gave Attention to One of Nature's Saltiest Big Boys

The endangered saltwater crocodile received a helping hand from Irwin.

The late icon of conservation Steve “The Crocodile Hunter” Irwin would have been 57 years old on Friday, and Google chose the day to mark his extraordinary life with a touching Google Doodle slideshow. Irwin was deeply involved with animals, reptiles especially, from an early age, as his parents ran a reptile park when was a child in Australia.

Steve Irwin Is Still Protecting Animals Worldwide, 13 Years After His Death

The Crocodile Hunter's legacy lives on in thousands of acres of protected land.

In 2004, the late conservationist Steve Irwin caught a lot of heat for feeding a crocodile while simultaneously holding his baby. The incident captured his lifelong approach to animal conservation, which began with his animal-filled childhood and continues even after his death with the conservationist legacy he left behind. Irwin’s 57th birthday would have been on Friday, and he was commemorated with a front-page Google Doodle.

Steve Irwin: How He Rose to Fame as the Crocodile Hunter

Google paid tribute to the star.

Google commemorated the life of Steve Irwin on Friday with a homepage doodle on what would have been the Australian’s 57th birthday. Irwin became a household name through his animal activism and television appearances, first launching onto screens of Animal Planet viewers with his show The Crocodile Hunter.

Irwin was born in the Essendon near Melbourne in 1962 to parents Lyn and Bob Irwin. His parents famously gave him an 11-foot scrub python for his 6th birthday which he named Fred. The young Steve learned a lot from his parents about animals, and they laid the foundations for Beerwah Reptile Park when they bought some land in 1970. Steve learned to wrestle crocodiles from the age of 9, and helped manage the family-owned park. The park was renamed Queensland Reptile and Fauna Park, and in 1990, it was renamed Australia Zoo — the same year Steve met producer John Stainton. He met his future wife, Oregonian Terri Raines, when she was visiting the park the following year. Their croc-filled honeymoon in 1992 formed the first episode of The Crocodile Hunter.

Where to Get Every Game of Thrones Season on Blu-Ray and 4K Blu-Ray

Winter, uh, we mean the final season of this show is coming.

Where were you when Game Of Thrones first premiered on HBO in the summer of 2011? I was interning at a comedy website in New York, so naturally I was surrounded by the biggest nerds you have ever seen in your life, so naturally we all got together to watch the show together on Sunday nights. Wild to think that in the eight years prior, Ned Stark is long dead, Arya is now the most feared assassin in Westeros, and Varys… well, he’s still a real dick.

'You' Season 2: Netflix Release Date, Spoilers, Cast, Trailer, and Theories

Your latest Netflix obsession could be coming back soon.

It’s been over a month since Lifetime’s You made the jump to Netflix and became an overnight sensation. We’re already as obsessed with this series as Joe Goldberg (Penn Badgley) was over Guinevere Beck (Elizabeth Lail), and we can barely wait for the You Season 2 release date.

Thankfully, there’s already a lot of info out there about You Season 2, including a release date window, plot details, returning cast members, and a few new confirmed characters. Here’s everything you need to know, along with a bit of speculation.